August 31, 2017

Very Sick, and Scared

I'm very sorry for my absence, and I'm especially sorry that I haven't been able to continue with my writing. But I'm terribly sick right now. It's probably most likely that my health problems are the result of worsening heart disease; since I don't have the benefit of ongoing medical care, I can't know for certain. The result is that I'm able to do less and less, even within the confines of my small apartment. If my condition becomes substantially worse, it's unclear if I'll even be able to take care of myself on the most basic level. I try not to think about that, and hope that I'll improve, at least a little.

It will help when this cursed heat wave ends. We had a couple of weeks of mercifully cooler weather, but the heat wave that began several days ago will last until next week. It's truly brutal. I'm able to get out of bed only a couple of hours a day.

And just like that, the end of the month is here again. I have about a third of what I need for rent and a few other first of the month bills. This time, I also have a $92 electric bill due; I've already gotten an extension on it, so it has to be paid next week. About a thousand dollars would soothe the savage debt beast -- not that much at all in the scheme of things, but a fortune to me at the moment. If I'm not able to pay the rent by Tuesday of next week ... the prospect of homelessness, given my health, terrifies me. If I'm barely able to survive in an apartment, I wouldn't stand a chance on the street.

I hope cooler weather returns soon, and that I'm able to get a bit stronger. I continue to make lots of notes for essays I've started and articles I'd like to write -- particular points I want to make, a nice phrase or two that occurs to me -- but I can't write for sustained periods of time, which is what I require. I desperately hope all that comes back to me in the next few weeks.

In the meantime, if you are able to contribute toward my very basic living expenses, I guarantee you a very cool place in heaven. (If you are one of those odd and strange people who actively enjoys very hot weather, I don't know what to say, other than to observe that you're weird, dude.) I offer my deep thanks to all those who make donations. Sasha is very grateful, too. Miraculously, Sasha seems okay now -- none of her symptoms has returned, and she's eating well. She's still too thin, but she's holding steady. One blessed beam of light in the midst of darkening calamity.

All my thanks for your patience and attention, and for your help.

August 02, 2017

We're Still Here

This will have to be brief. I'm in horrible shape physically, and we're in the midst of another awful hot spell. This has been a very hot summer; as regular readers know, the heat in combination with certain of my symptoms is especially terrible. (I live in a second-floor, non-airconditioned apartment, which makes the heat worse.)

But in the midst of the horrible, scary stuff, there are two pieces of good news. First: Sasha seems to be getting better! After seven months of Sasha appearing to slip away for good, several of her symptoms have gone away. She's stronger, and she's eating (fairly) regularly. Maybe all of those cuddle/loving/meditation sessions we spent together had some effect. Since we don't know what was wrong in the first place, we don't know what's changed. But she's better. I can't tell you what joy that brings me. Sasha is still not nearly as strong as I would like, and she still doesn't eat as much as I would prefer. For the moment, though, the downward slide has been arrested, and even reversed to some extent.

And I'm writing again. I'm at work on three new essays, including a lengthy one explaining my own view of the Age of Trump. Since I have yet to see anyone else say what I think needs to be understood about this particular phase of the decline of American Empire, I very much want to complete it and get it out there as soon as I can. The heat has slowed me down a lot for now, but I should be back to the writing in a few days. So some new pieces should be appearing, beginning next week.

Please allow me to offer my profound gratitude to all those who have donated in the last few months. And please allow me to apologize for the lack of thank-you notes. I sent out some notes of thanks two months ago or so, but I've been bedridden for most of the summer so far, unable to do much of anything (including getting out of bed). I was late with the June rent, but I managed to work that out with the landlord without tremendous difficulty, although it was a delicate operation in certain respects.

I just paid the August rent, along with a few monthly bills. This has left me close to broke again. I don't have any money for food, or for a few bills due next week (including the bill for internet service). A few hundred dollars would allow me to get through this next brief period of time, during which I can publish some new articles. Once I'm back to publishing, we can see where we are and go from there. That, at least, is my plan (such as it is) for now.

So, terrible physical health, poverty, and unbearable heat on the one hand; a miraculously recovering Sasha (aka The Most Wonderful Girl in the World), and a return to writing on the other. It could be worse, and I am painfully aware that for many people it is. Still, a few glimmers of hope can carry you a long way.

Many, many thanks for your interest and support. If you are able to help us through this next period, Sasha and I will be forever grateful.